Okay -there is usually much wisdom to be had on the seabreeze forums... so I am putting it to the brains trust here:
I have a mate who is very recluse, is on anti-depressants, and suffers from a drinking problem...
The guy lives on his own and has panic attacks occasionally. I remember him as a healthy cheerful lad years ago, and now seems defeated and bent on burying himself with over-thinking and alcohol......
He is getting help from a counsellor, which is good, and he does recognize he has a problem... but am wondering what I can do to help him along....
Only a few weeks ago he'd been off the drink for about a month and his old mate from Sydney came down and stayed with him and he fell of the wagon big time... the guy who came down is a complete tosser a real "cant"....... and couldn't give a cr@p about anyone else.....
Any how, wondering what experience people have with helping their mates through this stuff.... its really a challenge as most of my life does involve alcohol... eg. at the footy, weekly catch ups, and hard to get this guy out of his unit... next to impossible.... sometimes I think the reason he doesn't go out is he is perhaps drinking and knows he's a mess and can't function..... its got to the point where he finds it hard to go to the shop to buy something because he feels so bad, and I can only guess its because he is drunk or feels so depressed about once again failing to stop drinking.....
Hard to know the truth other than when he tells me he has panic attacks... and the occasional update about what his counsellor said.....
I find it very hard to get him out to do stuff that doesn't involve alcohol, eg. go to the movies, coffee, dinner, sport etc......
Anyway - interested if anyone has an insight into this stuff......
Cheers.
K
Maybe try and cut the amout of anti depresants if possible, booze and anti depressants do not mix well.
Try to interrest him in something fun like the beach, surf, wind surf, boobs....
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm boobs (.Y.)
This is going to sound stupid and shallow, but...
He needs to say "**** it." more often. I'm serious.
Panic attack over something? **** it.
split infinitive thought train? **** it.
Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't? **** it.
Black hole opening up beneath him? **** it.
That pink, smoking goat is back in the corner again? **** it.
etc. etc.
This works. I think if you dig around you'll even find a research paper on it.
Thanks for the posts and PM's guys. Really appreciate it.
Agree Panda - sometimes you gotta let sh1t happen... and accept you have no control over things.
Hi K Dog, I can't offer any advice. Just want to say he is a lucky bloke having a mate like you.
Maybe if you tell him that, it could cheer him up
Try to avoid the mainstream medical system to help him.
They just cover it up with drugs that numb the ups and downs to be a monotonous level....... Any wonder people want to drink, they just want to feel something.
St Johns Wart, exercise and some great coping strategies from a good psychologist are worth their weight in gold, more expensive than taking a pill but a long term rather than short term solution.
Thanks Oz. You just gotta help your mates if they are in trouble. I went to a funeral for a young chap who killed himself 12 months ago - a real waste, really hit home how precious life is, gotta do what you can to help people who need it. I guess as long as you do it right too....
Yep - very bad relationship with his dad....
CMC - just got to make sure he is getting some professional help I think.... a counsellor is one step... but really needs perhaps AA group meetings to be honest to himself and around people who can share their experiences... give him a jolt... but not easy - very proud dude.....
Thanks again for all the posts and PM's, have some ideas how to approach this - good crowd here the water folk :P
Good luck , just having a mate who gives a sxxt will help him no end. My old man is in a clinic at the moment battling his demons , you just have to support them , and let them now your their no matter how hard it is.
go to the hobby shop buy some over priced addictive toy (rc plane helicopter car boat pony) and go build play and do as much as u can to get him active n doing stuff. if he is fit enough go buy a moto or pushbikes and do that. I work with an older alcoholic who lives in a pub and i always make an effort to keep him away from there!
mate. ive been knee deep involved with this depression stuff for too long.
gotta get off the booze asap.
off the pot if he is
find a great councilor and get to the root of the problem. the trigger.
ditch the gp, find a good head shrink and work with him, AND the counselor. it can take a long time to get the ballance right, but when you do, it can change quickly.
dont bury yourself in his probs. itll do your head in!!
robyn shuter is a fantastic naturopath and counsellor in southern sydney thatl work in with your doc, and over the phone.
pm for more info.
I agree with the above about exercise and getting involved in something that will ease the social isolation. There are an enormous amount of mental problems caused by being socially isolated. Golf is a very good option for people with addictive personalities. Alice Cooper got himself off drugs with golf. Worth a try.
excercise has had massive benefits for the person in my life with it. a jog, long walk, especially a surf help in a huge way, as does a healthy diet.
Thanks guys.
Had a good chat with a really helpful Seabreeze member who really openned my eyes to the situation. Got a good idea of what I should be trying to do to help him.
My last conversation with my mate ended with agreeing to go along together to an AA meeting. So see how I can go with this.
He apparently is seeing a counsellor, so will see if we can get some leads from him about possible rehab as well.
Also Berrocca B
A lot of depression (I've known it for 20 years) is diet. Berroca (vitamin B) and a good steak (iron) makes a noticeable difference.
Also excellent for hangovers. Take before bed.
There's an excellent quote about depression:
"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."
— David Foster Wallace
To lighten things up a bit now has anybody else experienced this?
Red Bull has cured my common cold three times in a row now. Nipped it in the bud actually as the cold/flu was coming on (strong). Needs further investigation.
