Had to go into Big W today. Well that is not entirely accurate, I happened to be in the vicinity and needed a grater. Having just been to yoga I thought I had the mental fortitude to tackle it.
Parking was not difficult but my reserves were tested when negotiating the escalators which, for some unknown reason appear to be the only route to the store. I have a thing about escalators. They are a brilliant invention and can speed one on one's way quite nicely when used considerately. Unfortunately they always appear to blocked by fat farkers who step onto them and come to a halt. I am convinced that these arsewipes are the same dongers who get into the middle lane on the freeway and go into a trance.
Havig made it quite clear to three groups of these mushrooms that one can actually walk on an escalator I reached the entrance to the store only to be dumbfounded by the sight of Mother Christmas.
Christmas is a really good reason to avoid shops but this made my day. She was definitely a Mother Christmas, dressed like the male counterpart but without a beard, probably about sixty five years old and with a child on her knee. Being in my usual haste to get what I wanted and get out I chose not to seek an explanation but it has been bugging me all day. Perhaps someone on here can enlighten me?
I got the grater by the way, although I have yet to use it. Paying for it was another experience. I use cash so did not get to try the new tellerless checkouts which far outnumber actual tellers. I am convinced that the reason for this is to inconvenience folk into using the new system thereby justifying not having to employ mullets so out of sheer fark youness I will not use them.
Whilst waiting for an obese islander lady and her offspring to finish discussing with the teller why a particular piece of coloured molded plastic that appeared in the catalogue did not appear to be in this particular store it occured to me that this shopping experience is in a state of evolution. In the future payment will be made by iris scan. There will be no human input and the stores computer will deduct funds direclty from the customers account.
And Mother Christmas's companions will be an assortment of homosexual dwarves.
I intend to live another forty years so I hope the grater lasts.
Never understood graters.
Seems like another one of those kitchen utensils that clog up the draw whilst their function can be adequately achieved with a knife. They are always either too coarse or too fine and take longer to clean than they did to grate something.
Bit like garlic crushers, those plastic slicer things with a steel blade and food processors
i use my $15 stainless steel grater for grating galangal,it's too hard to cut.
Have you tried peri-peri sauce japie,i add it it to my stir-fry veggies + rice,can't eat without it.
Mother Christmas? How American PC are we gonna get? I bet she was a Lesbian too. Only militant lesbians need that kind of reassurance.
I've got two graters that I use all the time, garlic crushers are gay, you never get to use the whole garlic, i use a big muther Granite mortar and pestle for ginger and garlic although if Im in a hurry the grater will do for the ginger.
Hang on guys think about it. Why would santas missus be in the shop. Because santa's to busy at the north pole making toys. Maybe he's giving the ole sley a grease and oil change. He doesn,t get to much time to sit in shops and listen to whinging kids these days (could have something to do with climate change.......but lets not go there). 
Father C. should smack his bitch op side her head. Muther ****in cheese skin bitch aint no daddy christmas. You feel me ?
Mother Christmas is a far bet that she ain't a pedophile.
I would say that would probably be the reason. no!?
They sure have a hand in the proliferation of pornography and foisting unnatural sexual activity on the populace.
I like Big W for pants. They have sensible sizes S, M, L, XL ---> XXXXXXL.
Saves trying to remember numbers and I hate trying stuff on.
I used those self tellers the other day to buy 3 pairs of long work pants (black chino type). They wouldn't scan. The chickie came and took them away. She came back and said they're coming up $5 each, so that's what you get them for. Win. 
