Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The man from Perth fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The man from Melbourne reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Tasmanian started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Taswegian replied,
'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season
Begins......
A Muslim dies and goes up to Heaven.
He's stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says "Sorry, but we
don't allow Muslims into Heaven"
"What?" replies the Muslim, "And why not?"
"Well, we just don't"
The Muslim complains and carries on until St Peter gets fed up.
"Well", says St Peter "have you ever done anything good in your life?"
"Mmmm" the Muslim replies, "Yeah, the other day a lady stopped me on the
street collecting for a children's charity so I gave her ten dollars.
Last week I donated ten dollars to the Cancer Society and a couple of
weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave
him ten dollars as well."
"Alright then" says St Peter, "Let me go and have a quick word with God."
Five minutes later St Peter returns and says to the Muslim:
"Listen, I've spoken with God and he agrees with me. Here's your 30 bucks back.
Now **** off."
Why doesn't Santa have any children.............?
Because he only comes once a year...................
and that's down a chimney!
