I've been very much enjoying the continual rants on SeaBreeze and so for the benefit of ……..well me……..I thought I'd put together a How to…. With the hope of raising all of our excellent ranters to the same calibre for the enjoyment of all of us.
1. Write a catchy but partially obscure title, just to get em clicking on the link
2. Wait for a day with a bit of gust factor, summer easterlies in Perth are good, and there are still plenty of readers to enjoy your manifesto
3. Set the scene, tell people how windy it was, then add 5-10 knots to the gusts (Hollywood style)
4. Clarify that 'THIS IS NOT A RANT', it's very important not to lose readers who think you are having a boring old whinge
5. Point out the inherent dangers of your chosen location, blowing onshore, power poles, cars, pedestrians etc
6. Set your cred, you've been kiting for say…. at least 23 years
7. Start listing the actions of d&^kheads you saw
8. List them in point form and give them numbers, this makes it look factual even though it's just your opinion; albeit based on your 23 years of experience
9. Don't be afraid to make your post long winded, readers are not real clever and you have to drum the message home and show them just how exasperated you are
10. Include occasional reminders of how good you are….remember you never did any of these things these d&^kheads did
11. Refer back to a key message that will get all kiters on your side 'we'll lose this spot' is tried and true standard
12. Emphasise the reason you weren't able to actually discuss your issue in person with the aforementioned d&^khead
13. Don't be afraid of using CAPITALS, these were invented for angry people pointing out everyone else's faults
14. Exclamation marks are also essential, stick em in everywhere and although you are angry and eberyone needs your help pronto, re-read your post and put 3 or four extra exclamation marks on every second line
15. Spelling mistakes are really important, you're in a self righteous mood and your information is far more important to the world than spelling or presentation
16. Refer to people as 'Euros' or d&^kheads so locals reading feel safe they are not being referred to
17. Re-read your message one final time, nod at your awesome letter, pat yourself on the back, you're a genius and delete it……noone needs to hear your crap.
18. Go to bed happy and spend your time being pro-active in helping kiters to enjoy the sport safely and help spread a more positive and engaging message
if anyone isn't successfully ranting here they don't understand whats going on!.
Rants here on the board aren't what they used to be.... Anyone not liking what you are saying just has to inject the magic word 'Switch' and pooof the whole thread disappears.....
rants are a release for the soul. I probably would have killed my fair share of humans, if it wasn't for the invent of the internet forum.
Dear Sir,
As a kiter of 17 years and being fully experienced in windsurphing and small dog maintenance, I will make a complaint.
The author of this thread obviously does not appreciate the community service provided by rantists - without which the rest of the kiting fraternity could not compare the skills, maturity and general sanity of their waterborn compatriots.
This ommission by the author is just anothr iniodcation of teh Gen-Y type, self-obsessed attitude that is taking hold among the puveyors of out great sport.
I rememberm back in teh goold old days of 2003, when kiting meant the potential for life or death, even confiscation of you gear under Local Bylaw 234: 'Scaring of Geese'. You left the house not knowing whether you would return, but in the Anzac spirit you just got out there and did it -there was no feedback and this constant chatter of what and what not to do. What regulations, man?
For 'Leroy B' to list and detail just how to rant shows just how over organised and rule-ridden our sport has becaome compared with those great days .
I therefore propose a "Free Rant" group to meet every third Monday on a full moon and look forward to meeting the like-minded.
I must now rest given the great work that lies ahead for the group. Onward and beyond!
Onya GreenPat 
