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Sandwich Maker trade in.......

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Created by Simsurf > 9 months ago, 8 Dec 2012
Simsurf
WA, 239 posts
8 Dec 2012 12:45PM
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Here's the deal.

1 Sandwich Maker
Pros: great cook and mother to the two young uns, little bit cuddly ( read curvy), works part time, happy thing mostly, likes a drink and a laugh, puts out reasonably regularly even though we have been married 15 years.

Cons: Hates being called sandwich maker and has absolutely no understanding of the theory that all plans, no matter how important, become null and void once the wind begins to turn. Gets cranky All to quick once I start packing the kites in the car whilst she is getting ready for an afternoon barbie.

All offers considered.

doggie
WA, 15849 posts
8 Dec 2012 12:47PM
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You pay me to take her away

ice
VIC, 222 posts
8 Dec 2012 6:17PM
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You should have got the Wind Clause into your marriage agreement.



The Wind Clause

I the undersigned have read, understood and agreed to the following:

I will let kiter___________ (insert your name here) out of any previous plans we mave have made if there is a chance the wind might come up. I will never ask him to reconsider our previous plans, OR give him shiite for breaking off said plans to go kiting

I will let said kiter ride as often as the wind blows and not make any plans for him/us if the wind forecast shows its gonna blow for days

I will let said kiter out of making dinner or cleaning the dishes if he needs to clean his gear, rerig, or untangle lines.

I will pick up said kiter at any downwind location at anytime if he has it in his heart to do a downwinder. I will rearrange my schedule to fit the optimal wind window for his downwinder

I WILL NEVER tell him he cant spend money on new kite gear, equip, or related paraphenial, even if the money comes out of our joint acct.

I WILL NEVER complain if hes too tired after a day of kiting and he hasnt the energy to engage in coital tenderness. I will eagerly await when he is ready to participate or simply do all the hard work for him.

I will NEVER COMPLAIN that he spends too much time on the water and not enough with me


I WILL LOVE MY KITER FOR BEING A KITER and never ask hime to change

I ________________ (insert girls/boys name here) have read and understood the above statements and agree to comply fully with the bounds of this binding agreement.

Chris_M
2132 posts
8 Dec 2012 3:43PM
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Heh heh, coital tenderness....

AquaPlow
QLD, 1066 posts
8 Dec 2012 6:01PM
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That immortal line for all those Life Of Brian fans
"You are a naughty naughty boy"
The female in a relationship should be granted total ignorance about how a BBQ works if she so wishes...

Great thoughts -- re marital clauses - U will have 2 get really sophisticated 2 get that signed off after 15 yrs - "Always look on the bright side of Life da dum da de..."

However - the strategy -- start encouraging // teaching the youngsters --

I now have 1 who leaves me for dead, 1 who is riding and holding ground, and 1 who loves surf but adding a kite is gay - & mum will come and film on occasion, and help with transport setup for down winders so -- plan ahead - and your light wind days will mean you sit on the beach while the youngster uses your big kite

AP

LostinSpace
QLD, 388 posts
8 Dec 2012 6:20PM
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ice said...
You should have got the Wind Clause into your marriage agreement.



The Wind Clause

I the undersigned have read, understood and agreed to the following:

I will let kiter___________ (insert your name here) out of any previous plans we mave have made if there is a chance the wind might come up. I will never ask him to reconsider our previous plans, OR give him shiite for breaking off said plans to go kiting

I will let said kiter ride as often as the wind blows and not make any plans for him/us if the wind forecast shows its gonna blow for days

I will let said kiter out of making dinner or cleaning the dishes if he needs to clean his gear, rerig, or untangle lines.

I will pick up said kiter at any downwind location at anytime if he has it in his heart to do a downwinder. I will rearrange my schedule to fit the optimal wind window for his downwinder

I WILL NEVER tell him he cant spend money on new kite gear, equip, or related paraphenial, even if the money comes out of our joint acct.

I WILL NEVER complain if hes too tired after a day of kiting and he hasnt the energy to engage in coital tenderness. I will eagerly await when he is ready to participate or simply do all the hard work for him.

I will NEVER COMPLAIN that he spends too much time on the water and not enough with me


I WILL LOVE MY KITER FOR BEING A KITER and never ask hime to change

I ________________ (insert girls/boys name here) have read and understood the above statements and agree to comply fully with the bounds of this binding agreement.


Thats GOLD!!!

surfingboye
NSW, 2707 posts
8 Dec 2012 10:01PM
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Post pics of wife.
I'll take her if she's tidy...

Simsurf
WA, 239 posts
8 Dec 2012 10:54PM
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Ice, you are a legend.

She's on about this renewal of vows stuff at the moment. "wouldn't it be a great thing to do for our 16th wedding anniversary" blah, blah blah.

Too bloody right it would, right down to signing the wind clause above.
Hmmmmm, now to get creative with a way for her to sign it......

Am thinking I suggest making the renewal authentic right down to a new marriage certificate. Guess what the fine print will be?

Chances of success...............probably slim but worth a shot. Chances of her agreeing to honor the clause, even slimmer, but what the he'll. This is worth a shot!

Mark _australia
WA, 23709 posts
8 Dec 2012 11:28PM
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Simstat.

I have a better deal. You keep her (and thus all the benefits that entails)

But when you go kiting I will come around and make her ummm - happy.

Now what could be better than that? Happy wife-happy life my friend.

eppo
WA, 9793 posts
9 Dec 2012 7:16AM
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Just sent this to a 25 yr old mate about to be married in December. My wife just went to his wife to he's hen night last night, and this young girl kept saying that since he started kiting this year he only talks about kiting and getting the ultimate kite car.

My wife apologised profusely ( I taught him after his lessons).

He he he sucked in!

kiter77
VIC, 273 posts
9 Dec 2012 10:20AM
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Yeah Mark but then you miss out on valuable kiting time , maybe an office hours visit might be more suited to your lifestyle.

hamburglar
ACT, 2174 posts
9 Dec 2012 10:53AM
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Mark _australia said...
Simstat.

I have a better deal. You keep her (and thus all the benefits that entails)

But when you go kiting I will come around and make her ummm - happy.

Now what could be better than that? Happy wife-happy life my friend.



i don't think telling her your old war stories while sucking the leftover
porridge from under your dentures is going to make her ummm - happy



Simsurf
WA, 239 posts
9 Dec 2012 8:26AM
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Mark _australia said...
Simstat.

I have a better deal. You keep her (and thus all the benefits that entails)

But when you go kiting I will come around and make her ummm - happy.

Now what could be better than that? Happy wife-happy life my friend.




Mark, I take it you mean attending those all to important BBQ's on my behalf? No problem however I am going to doubt your reliability given the reason I am not there is the same reason you are 'busy' each afternoon through summer.

If you meant the other, well provided you keep your boardies on over your settle, we won't have a problem

Simsurf
WA, 239 posts
9 Dec 2012 8:27AM
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Bloody auto correct, " boardies over your wettie"



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"Sandwich Maker trade in......." started by Simsurf