Depression for me meant after a few years wondering what the ....
was happening. Change came when" I ME Self " aligned the problem
and started walking , first cross country , then a small cart with swag and
food, now I have an addiction to LANDYACHTS but I am alive and
enjoying it all and have reached 65 Take responsibility for yourself and
put yourself no1 to survive. You gotta love/respect yourself, Best of luck!
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness"
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I was thinking maybe I should buy a work van and deck it out myself.
The smell of paint / silicone would have to be better and easier to kill than that smell of mothballs and lavander.
Oh and Prawnhead: I'll have to read it again - what a great book that was, so long since I read it.
I'm as mad as hell I can't take it any more, .... I'm always wanting/ needing more more, more there has to be more to it, I sold up a few years ago gave up work for a year or so, argued with the family about not being "normal like other dads working" went about dropping out, doing other stuff, pursued surfing and creating art, now its all good, I have a little more balance, but I still need more.... balance/ contol.
I reckon I have to be one of the worlds experts on self analaysis and depression.
Back in 1966 I was sexually abused at a Catholic boarding school in Tanzania. This was a blow that shaped my whole life. I won't bore with the details, suffice to say that suicide was constantly on my mind.
Then back in 2009 I decided to take action. In 2004 one of the ex students started up a Yahoo group. It had been going two years when I joined it and as the membership grew so did the accusations of paedophilia. I took it on myself to represent the complainants and the action culminated in a flight to the UK in February last year to confront my abusers.
The meeting lasted two days. At one point I did get a little brusque but the scenarios I had envisaged were stangely different. I met with the man who covered up the crime, the guy I placed all of the blame on. He has since died but at that point was in a nursing home, and without putting too fine a point on it, he was a ****ed unit.
It had the effect of lifting a huge cloud from my life, to see this ogre who had influenced my existence for 45 years reduced to a breathing corpse. I was in no way thankful that this was the case, just a realisation that karma is not just a concept.
Shortly after getting back from England, still bugged by depression I underwent a massive spiritual awakening. No miracles or anything. I had been watching some stuff posted by guys on this site which really made me think and I went to bed one night realising that I would never be depressed again. It was such a huge thing because of the past 45 years of suicidal thinking.
A year later I am still in awe of my changed circumstances. There is a very different person residing in my head to the one that was there a year ago.
So perk up Oliver. The world is a fascinating place to be in. Just cut away the crap, take off your shoes and feel the sand beneath your feet. And smile, that is very important
....and having a tumor removed from my head a couple of years ago helped expedite the re assessment process and make me realize its me as an individual..
I learned to drive a in a landrover when working for De Beers in the Kalahari. I knew nothing about mechanics whatsoever. The roads are all sand there and have a middelmannetje, grass growth, in the center. Everyone other than De Beers drove ford 250s or chevrolettes with a wider wheel base so the tracks were just too wide for a landy.
One wheel in the rut and the radiator sucking in shaved grass the bastards never stopped over heating. I used to drvive up to the nearest artesian tank and bucket water over the engine to cool it down. Indestructable, slow pigs that will go anywhere.
The one in my avatar, the anti christ, is fortunately no longer!
Good man, japie. It must be a hard story to tell and it's a credit to you that you can do it without any bitterness.
