Dad keeps telling me he has eyes in the back of his head. I reckon he's lying cos I can see an eye staring back at me....
Reknowned turd artist Jock McSporran releases his two latest creations
...lifelike human replicas, the product of intense rectal discipline and a varied diet
I will call it soon, I'll just give Wet Willy a few more hours to improve on his last effort. (we know he wants it bad)
- but WW, you've got some work to do cos Evil Panda, Julzie, Mr No one, Sausage and Notwal are setting the pace....
Thank you for your highland wit.
The nominees are-
Davman- Little McJohnny was shocked when he noticed the true outlet of the
bagpipe sound!
Evil Panda- DANGER: Never look a Scotsman in the eye while he's playing the
pipes!
Mr No-one- Are you sure about this?
Sure I'm sure, just put the coin in the slot and pull the handle, he's sure
to play a different tune.
Julzie- for the observing Jocks use of the "subwoofer"
and
Panda again, for putting Stewie back in the spotlight.
but the winner,
(even though it may not have got the most green thumbs, I liked the Scottish lingo and it fitted the faces perfectly)
was,
Notwal- Och the noo. There's another wee bag pipe up there. I dare you to blow it Jimmy. 
- Over to you NotWal
Gee Bondy, I am deeply honoured and humbled by this unexpected accolade. I would like to thank my mum and dad and Wet Willy for his inspiration. Rest assured I shall wear this laurel proudly and do my utmost to maintain the standard the unutterable depths of which in my finer moments while notwithstanding the sterling quality of the competition shall I castigate the dog or while trumpeting from the heights, nay from the nadir to the very acme of which I never thought possible.
This ones for all of you. *choke* You know who you are.
