.....it was only through trial and error that western civilization realised dim sims could not be simultaneously created and cooked !
Important German research during the war concluded that 9 times out of 10, kittens prefer flowers over grenades.
Radio comms during the war was unreliable at best; They were told to 'go to the tower in the city and then meet us at the gate', but somehow they heard 'show the flower to a kitty and then feed it a grenade'.
^^^ Bletchley Park was even more surprised when the Ultra was decoded: 'take a shower with some titty then meet us at the fete'
Heinrich failed to earns his merit badge for diffusing cats.
"Vo is der fuse?"
"Nein. Is nicht defuse. Is DIFFUSE. You must blow him up"
The "Adopt a pet" program was expected to be the difference between defeat and vitory for the German army............sadly this was not he case.
The Germans' literal translation of the great book, "The Joy of Sex" started to go horribly wrong when they reached the chapter entitled "Deflowering your first pussy"
Vicious, you hit me with a flower
You do it every hour
Oh, baby you're so vicious
Vicious, you want me to hit you with a stick
But all I've got is a F'n Grenade - you pick
Oh baby, you're so vicious
Edelweiss, edelweiss, every morning you greet me
small and white,
clean and bright,
you look happy to meet me
blossom of snow
may you bloom and grow,
Ka - boom......
Life was never boring in the Wehrmacht.
"Now for my next trick I vill juggle a kitty, a hand grenade und a flower"
The Nazis kept trying to demonstrate a particle matter gun for the glory of the Fatherland, but somehow just kept ending up with Schr?dinger's cat**
** Schr?dinger's cat
from en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger's_cat
A cat, along with a flask containing a poison, is placed in a sealed box shielded against environmentally induced quantum decoherence. If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation then the flask is shattered, releasing the poison which kills the cat. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead, not a mixture of alive and dead
So you Nazi arseholes want to join the Ashes series??
No worries, see this thing under my paw??
Its the ball and we bowl first!!!
The SS ran extensive testing on animals prior to introducing their new psychological testing program.......So kitty, do you prefer the flower or the bomb?
trust me herr kitten
today za dandelion
tomorrow za grenade
"ve have vays of making you talk!"
"You like zis flower nein? I can make a deal for you."
The young Dieter never missed an opportunity to practise the skills that would make him wealthy.
Where are they now -
Helmut succumbed to a silly misunderstanding when he thought he heard his name being called but it turned out to be a general alert warning of incoming ordnance.
Hans, due to his experience juggling cats, went on to become a leading small goods manufacturer.
Fritz had the operation and changed his name to Marlene Dietrich in order to quietly disappear. Ironically he went on to fame and fortune when all he really wanted was to be alone.
What became of Lilly the kitten? Only Hans knows.
with dryers not yet invented,
past generations had to find other ways to play with cats.
with very little ceremony i do declare the winner of the comp to be iantas
for being the first to think of
"now all they had to do is get the grenade in their Trojan horse"
congrats and take it away dude!
