my daughter is 18 months old and is starting to test the boundaries of what she can get away with. when she does something overly dangerous or violent i will give her a slap on the bum. not enough to hurt, just enough to let her know she's doing the wrong thing
our friends seem divided on the issue- half think i'm a barbarian and the others agree with us. (my wife and i think that sometimes a smack is necessary).
so i'm just wondering what other parents do for discipline? do you guys give the odd smack? or is this a relic of the seventies?
(please don't reply unless you're a parent- i was dead against smacking until i had kids)
Has its place if done appropriately. Can easily get out of had when the child is older. Have seen some badly abused kids especially if alcohol involved.
I used light smacks up to about 6 years old then moved away from it to isolation in bedroom and discussions. I think I only did it once or twice then the threat is enough. The wife used it more.
Really important to be consistent.
Seemed to work I have two well mannered kids 10 and 12 who get on really well at home and school. I would not dream of smacking the eldest(girl) now but the son gets one from mum every now and then but they don't hurt it is more the embarrassment of it :)
I know you said don't reply unless you're a parent, but anyway....
I was smacked as a child, still a child now (25) compared to lots of the guys here. I was a bit a 5hit as a kid and as a teenager. My parents were strict but very fair and they dished out a smack when I deserved it and I am VERY thankful that they did. I was never beaten but I was sternly disciplined within fair boundaries and because of that, I've turned out quite well compared to a lot of people I see amongst my generation.
So yeah, I'm not a parent so take what I say for a pinch of salt, but I am thankful I was smacked.
Mine are 9 and 11 now, but used to get the odd hurry up. They also got the odd stern word.
I don't agree with the anti smack wowser brigade. If you were restrained from smacking and your toddler is running amuck, they're unlikely to listen to, or understand reason, and your more likely to say some pretty damaging stuff.
A quick smack on the butt is a wake up call that actions have consequenses.
I saw a beauty one day as awomen smacked her kid in a supermarket and another women was about to lecture her on it. She said something like, "Unless you want the same, bugger off"
It's easy to see just the smack, but you don't know what the parent has been through with a cranky kid for possibly hours previously.
I've got a 4yo boy and a new borne girl. I was of the opinion that smacking was ok cos i got smacked (with belts) when i was a kid and i turned out alright (imo).
My wife was against smacking, coming from a more violent past i can understand her concerns of unnecessary smacking.
With that in mind we have tried all types of discipline from talking at their level to smacking.
I found that with smacking all it did was scare the crap out of my son. It didn't stop him being naughty or 'pushing the boundaries'. When you see you child cowering from you it's not pleasant.
Since then my wife and i won't smack but have resorted to removing his things sometimes for days. He was slamming doors - cheeky monkey - so i removed his bedroom door from the hinge for 2 weeks. No more door slamming.
He loves going to the park, but if he talks back or with 'attitude' no park for 2 days etc..
I personally have found that this action has been the most effective but all kids are different.
The most important thing though is that both parents are on the same page.
They quickly find out who is the good cop / bad cop and will exploit this to no end.
Hope this helps a little.
I got the good ol wooden spoon. Only had to be used once or twice. Then all mum had to do was put it on the bench...
I'm for smacking in moderation, not hard enough to hurt but yeah as someone said above to show the child there is consequences to their actions. We also take things away from our daughter who is 4 years old and really testing her boundaries when she can. She knows when she has done something wrong and she sort of dobs herself in for it. But her best punishment is to send her to her bed. She hates it
Personally i think everyone's situation is different. With some kids/families it works with some it doesn't.
My kids have been smacked and know they could have if they needed it.
But my honest opinion is most people should stay out of others peoples parenting. You can see if there is a obvious boundary being crossed but then you should act but other wise keep your "Opinions to your selves" Is my motto.
My advice is to be VERY aware of your own personality before you start.
If you are the perfect example of restraint and moderation then by all means go for it. Dispense the discipline in measured amount as required.
However, If you know you tend to fly off the handle in situations involving any form of confrontation and then don't know when to stop, then just don't go there. Don't even start.
Grit your teeth and get someone else to dispense the discipline.
In my opinion by smacking kids we are teaching them that hitting or being violent is the way we solve problems, my wife was against smacking and i didnt really have an opinion either way but with a 6 yo and 3 yo we have never once used hitting or smacking to control our kids, have always found that a quiet calm word down at face to face level with them or removing something such as privileges has the best effect.
I smacked all my kids at one time or another. Very effective. Not one of them became a violent person. They all are kind, considerate people.
Smacking - definitely YES.
4000 years of acculmulated knowledge and parenting techniques should not go out the window because of a theory by a couple of 'academics'.
If it caused violence wouldn't we see all the baby boomers still in pub fights? No it is the young crew.
Agree with those who say you should be the right kind of persona nd some parents can't do it.
My 7 y/o has been smacked properly twice. Both times it was in combination with short isolation and removal of priviledges for a week ish.
BUT that was after he did it once, go told.
Second time, got told and was warned he'd get a smack.
Third time, got told, removal of priviledges, no dessert, told that he will 100% get a smack next time.
Week later was number 4 and he copped it.
Never ever did it again and tells his friends and his sister not to.
If we continued with step 3 and never moved on the the smack we'd still be saying 'please don't do that it makes us feel bad and .... blah blah" and he'd be a naughty little sh!t still.
I think 18 months is a bit too young to start smacking. once they get to 3 or 4 it leaves you with no other options.
I smack kids all the time.
I get some threatening looks from their parents though.
It's got to be instant
Cause/effect, if your lucky enough to be there when they misbehave wack...short and sharp it doesn't have to hurt but if it makes a noise even better.
If it's happened when your at work then go through the above steps...a bit like kicking the dog when you've found another hole,he dug in the veggie patch he's already forgotten about that and thinks WTF...
If your wacking every day then.....mmmmmm... Call super nanny....not sea breeze.
Don't use your hand. Although this may seem bad. I believe that smacking a small child with your hand may cause damage to the child's spine. You smack a nappy and don't cause any pain but the pressure of the smack can cause back damage.
4 kids - 8 y.o. twin boys , 5y.o. boy & 20month old girl.
Only smack when I can catch them.
Seriously though the occasional smack to legs (definitely no where else though) does not go astray. I'm surprised no one has mentioned the threat of a smack as being as effective as the smack itself.
Also I have never used a belt but like my dad and now me, just the psychology of its mention gets an immediate and positive response from the monkeys.
It all makes sense now, there are more cases of road rage and fights in pubs because they stopped bashing 18 month olds.
Smacking is just lazy parenting, too lazy to to use other proven methods.
I just don't get how a violent aggressive act from a primary care giver can be beneficial for a child who barely knows better.
For an older child there are far more effective strategies you can use that not only makes the child regret their actions but also gives them a sense of responsibility over their behaviour. However it requires consistency and effort from the parent.
I would never under any circumstances hit my daughter......ever.
