Setting up your wife's car so that it can throw out 2 foot of flame from the exhaust after hard revving the engine, may look cool and be great for targeting tossers who sit to close behind you...... May also draw the attention of the constabulary.
Same car another story
Running late for commodore sitting up my freckle, kick it back a cog blast of commodore couldn't keep up slow down for traffic commodore back again, repeat... repeat for 5km.
Arm comes out of the commodore pops a spinner on the roof... oh smeg
When the nice policeman states the obvious that you may going a bit quick and he couldn't keep up, when he estimates that you were traveling at 20km less than your last gear change, apologize, put a sheepish look on your face, take the ticket and be thankful, I was.
Same car yet another.
Do not drive a warm rotary engined car with a light flywheel on pea gravel unless you like excitement.
It was a fun car
Dont stick your tongue on a scaletrix track to see if you can get a battery buzz 
Don't post things on an internet forum that could be one day used against you to highlight your stupidity.
How not to get a pay rise.
If you are going to park right in front of your bosses office which has large plate glass windows, make sure you check if the mast tied to the roof racks is sticking beyond the front of your car.
Do NOT EVER use a mechanical post hole digger, those "work of the devil" petrol powered ones that you can get from the hire shops.
We wanted to pop a few holes in the back yard for some new trees. It was going well until the auger hit something solid. Mrs Bristol and I did a few revs around the thing before we both let go; she dislocated her shoulder, I broke 2 ribs and a scored a big gash to the face. 
A few months later, we had a garden man with a Dingo Digger come in and cheaply complete the task.
Don't sail when low tide occurs in the late afternoon.
The glare off the water hides the shallows and if your fin hits a rock on the sandbar the board comes to a very sudden stop followed instantaneously by a massive catapult.
In this instance my harness did not come unhooked and I was unceremoniously catapulted into the sail with the boom across my spine (still can't quite work out how) and I was trapped there by the combination of shock, pain and twisted harness lines - which were still very firmly hooked in.
Amazingly the fin was still in one piece. I'm not sure about myself.
when reversing up an incline never give more revs if the car moves forward. you may be in 1st gear by accident.
this is especially important when parked in fathers car in front of the local fruit shop.
dont shove a bunch of nettles in your mates face to see what the reaction is:
do u have nettles in aus?
I've seen something that looks very similar in orchards, but haven't been game to touch them and find out.
Never climb over an electric cattle fence whilst wearing boardies and using a forked stick to push the cables down with.
The stick will only break and leave your boll*cks receiving enough voltage to stun a bull, and you cant hop off or stop it unless you grab the cable with both hands!
(had bruised/ fried nuts for 2 weeks!)
Never.....
Think it will be fun to fill a bin liner with 5 long squirts of acetelyne gas, followed by 5 long squirts of oxygen (oxy-acetelyne). Seal the bag with a car brake lamp (minus the glass) and wire to a car battery- whilst hiding the whole shebang under a coach brake drum near to where your mates are having a smoko.
It wont, make them giggle.....
it will, make them jump...
it will, blow a hole in the concrete floor......(oops!)
never have a 'wicked' tom yum soup the evening before an all day dive trip on a very small craft 
never drive in a convoy if you dont know where the destination is or how to get there.
I nearly wrote off my old falcon and my girlfriend at the times camira who i was following
Double CHECK,
the departure time on your boat ticket when you spend the last of your money on said ticket when in Sumatra, while trying to returm to bali where your friends are waiting for you, 12 oclock could be lunch time not midnight. Even if you cant read bahasa indonesia Pleading your case with the shipping agent while shacking up in a whore house in a stinking port for 2 days does not work. Interesting though!
Sailing one-handed is great - but never take off the front hand if you're not hooked in!
That reminds me, don't gybe while hooked in! Even if you've unhooked once already and the hook's gone back in by itself, that's not good enough! You must unhook again! My record is 3 times in one gybe!
. very painful and you just can't make it stop- can't get it out and hard to get water up there. later removed with needle nose pliers and still screaming.
. very painful and you just can't make it stop- can't get it out and hard to get water up there. later removed with needle nose pliers and still screaming.
Do not pick up an apparently dead jelly fish and slap throw it on your mates face.
